Photo by Ketut Subiyanto
Avoid the "S" word
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Thanks to author Brett Harrington.
As well as being on the board of ADHD NZ, Brett is an ADHD specialist coach, counsellor and registered clinical arts therapist who has been dedicated to working with adults with ADHD since 2011. |
When you use energy draining, negative self-talk that starts with “I should have...” or “I should be able to...” you often do more to drain your motivation than to support it. It’s best not to “should” on yourself but if you do, you might want to take a moment ask yourself if what you’re telling yourself is actually true.
Shoulds and oughts are mostly ineffective for creating incentive to follow through. Like dragging yourself to a task by a chain around our neck - it’s unpleasant and it's probably not going to work.
When you catch yourself thinking a 'should' thought, it may help to pause and ask yourself “is that true”?
If the matter in question is legal, health or safety related as in, “I should renew my driver’s licence” or “…clear the skateboard away from the stairs”, then once considered, you’ll probably jump past the "I should and go and DO IT RIGHT NOW", and there you have it — incentive to follow through!
If it is a case of “I should send Aunt Emma a thank you note for the tea towels”, you might ask yourself, “I should do it according to whom?” When it comes to social niceties, it’s usually OK to keep it simple. While a card with a hand written note might be suggested by Miss Manners, it might be easier and quicker to send an e-mail or make a quick phone call.
When you're waist-high in clutter, thinking “I should get organised”, doesn’t actually help you to create a plan to get organised. This can makes matters worse by calling up an even greater disincentive - shame. Get out of this thinking quickly, with humour, as in “maybe I should also help bring about world peace!”.
Following through with tasks, even potentially overwhelming ones, is more likely to come from a place of what you can do, rather than what you should do.
Try to remember to keep your self-talk motivating, by being nice to yourself and keeping your follow through simple.
Shoulds and oughts are mostly ineffective for creating incentive to follow through. Like dragging yourself to a task by a chain around our neck - it’s unpleasant and it's probably not going to work.
When you catch yourself thinking a 'should' thought, it may help to pause and ask yourself “is that true”?
If the matter in question is legal, health or safety related as in, “I should renew my driver’s licence” or “…clear the skateboard away from the stairs”, then once considered, you’ll probably jump past the "I should and go and DO IT RIGHT NOW", and there you have it — incentive to follow through!
If it is a case of “I should send Aunt Emma a thank you note for the tea towels”, you might ask yourself, “I should do it according to whom?” When it comes to social niceties, it’s usually OK to keep it simple. While a card with a hand written note might be suggested by Miss Manners, it might be easier and quicker to send an e-mail or make a quick phone call.
When you're waist-high in clutter, thinking “I should get organised”, doesn’t actually help you to create a plan to get organised. This can makes matters worse by calling up an even greater disincentive - shame. Get out of this thinking quickly, with humour, as in “maybe I should also help bring about world peace!”.
Following through with tasks, even potentially overwhelming ones, is more likely to come from a place of what you can do, rather than what you should do.
Try to remember to keep your self-talk motivating, by being nice to yourself and keeping your follow through simple.
