ADHD and an unusual sense of fariness
by Jacqueline Sinfield
If you have ADHD, chances are you have a very strong moral compass - you hate discrimination, dishonesty, fake people and unfair situations in the same way that you love justice, fairness, honesty, sincerity, equality and the truth.
Most people say that they value those things, however, you'd be more likely to take action and do something about an unfair situation.
Here are some reasons why a sense of fairness is more visible when you have ADHD:
1. Low Tolerance
You have a low tolerance for things that aren’t in alignment with who they are - and it's you quit jobs that are boring.
Those who don't have ADHD might be able to put their head down and work in a job they hate for 20 years. But you can't make yourself do that.
Similarly, if you witness an event (big or small) that you think is unfair, you will take action. Someone without ADHD might need to see or experience the same thing many times before they respond.
2. Social Norms
You're not restricted by social norms in the way other people are. For example, you might not feel obliged to stay at a dinner party (even if the host spent hours cooking), if you didn't like the other guests.
This also means you'll do things to seek fairness that other people wouldn’t - such as standing up for someone in your class, even though it might cause them problems later with their friends.
3. Arbitrary Rules
Similarly, you're also not likely to follow arbitrary rules; just rules that make sense to you. If there's a rule that prevents fairness, then a person with ADHD is more than happy to break it.
Imagine there are long lines at the airport check–in counter for coach class. Yet the business class line is empty. You'd be more likely to take your coach ticket to the business class line and try to check–in because it makes no logical sense to stand and wait in line.
This same principle is applied to all situations that don’t seem fair.
ADHD Characteristics
Some of the ADHD traits you have help you with your quest for fairness. For example: you might impulsively jumping into action when you see or
hear something that doesn’t feel right. You don’t stop to think and wait until later when your energy or sense of urgency has dispersed.
Even despite having some traits would normally work against seeking fairness (such as getting social anxiety or debilitating procrastination) you'll still rise to the occasion, and do what is needed in order to right an unfair situation.
Your Time
The need for fairness can be reflected in your career choices and it can influence how you spend your free time.
One of my client spent a lot of his spare time one year helping his neighbor’s child. The child had learning disabilities and needed help to get the right support from the school. There were meetings, long forms to be filled out and a lot of research to understand what rights the child had.
Even small pockets of your time can be influenced. For example, while waiting for people to be seated at the dinner table, you've probably already counted the number of carrots on everyone's dinner plates. Alternatively, at the last dinner out you had with your friends, it was probably you who reached for a calculator to make sure everyone paid what they owed and left the right tip for the staff.
The Flip Side
Unfortunately there are also downsides to being so fair.
You can feel powerless to make a difference as you are only one person and end up feeling completely discouraged and depressed about the world and its problems, the environment, the legal system, etc.
Standing up for other people can also mean you spend less time with your own family, and this can cause hurt feelings because ‘you put everyone else first’.
But don't take these to heart - most people find it very refreshing to be around you because of your desire for fairness.
If you have ADHD, chances are you have a very strong moral compass - you hate discrimination, dishonesty, fake people and unfair situations in the same way that you love justice, fairness, honesty, sincerity, equality and the truth.
Most people say that they value those things, however, you'd be more likely to take action and do something about an unfair situation.
Here are some reasons why a sense of fairness is more visible when you have ADHD:
1. Low Tolerance
You have a low tolerance for things that aren’t in alignment with who they are - and it's you quit jobs that are boring.
Those who don't have ADHD might be able to put their head down and work in a job they hate for 20 years. But you can't make yourself do that.
Similarly, if you witness an event (big or small) that you think is unfair, you will take action. Someone without ADHD might need to see or experience the same thing many times before they respond.
2. Social Norms
You're not restricted by social norms in the way other people are. For example, you might not feel obliged to stay at a dinner party (even if the host spent hours cooking), if you didn't like the other guests.
This also means you'll do things to seek fairness that other people wouldn’t - such as standing up for someone in your class, even though it might cause them problems later with their friends.
3. Arbitrary Rules
Similarly, you're also not likely to follow arbitrary rules; just rules that make sense to you. If there's a rule that prevents fairness, then a person with ADHD is more than happy to break it.
Imagine there are long lines at the airport check–in counter for coach class. Yet the business class line is empty. You'd be more likely to take your coach ticket to the business class line and try to check–in because it makes no logical sense to stand and wait in line.
This same principle is applied to all situations that don’t seem fair.
ADHD Characteristics
Some of the ADHD traits you have help you with your quest for fairness. For example: you might impulsively jumping into action when you see or
hear something that doesn’t feel right. You don’t stop to think and wait until later when your energy or sense of urgency has dispersed.
Even despite having some traits would normally work against seeking fairness (such as getting social anxiety or debilitating procrastination) you'll still rise to the occasion, and do what is needed in order to right an unfair situation.
Your Time
The need for fairness can be reflected in your career choices and it can influence how you spend your free time.
One of my client spent a lot of his spare time one year helping his neighbor’s child. The child had learning disabilities and needed help to get the right support from the school. There were meetings, long forms to be filled out and a lot of research to understand what rights the child had.
Even small pockets of your time can be influenced. For example, while waiting for people to be seated at the dinner table, you've probably already counted the number of carrots on everyone's dinner plates. Alternatively, at the last dinner out you had with your friends, it was probably you who reached for a calculator to make sure everyone paid what they owed and left the right tip for the staff.
The Flip Side
Unfortunately there are also downsides to being so fair.
You can feel powerless to make a difference as you are only one person and end up feeling completely discouraged and depressed about the world and its problems, the environment, the legal system, etc.
Standing up for other people can also mean you spend less time with your own family, and this can cause hurt feelings because ‘you put everyone else first’.
But don't take these to heart - most people find it very refreshing to be around you because of your desire for fairness.
