Photo by Motortion
ADHD in teenagers - our stories
Rosa, from Wellington, recently wrote an article on ADHD and teenagers. Written from Rosa's perspective, what follows is a moving account of her journey and quotes from some of her conversations.
The advantages and strengths of ADHD are also now much better understood by researchers. The brain is an incredible part of the human body that helps you to adjust and adapt in areas that are challenging for you. This means that despite your challenges, you also have immense strengths!
I’ve reached out to a range of teenagers who have been diagnosed with ADHD in their childhood or teenage years. They’ve shared their story about ADHD and the diagnosis process to help spread awareness of ADHD and help others understand what it’s like being a teen with ADHD.
Below are stories and quotes from teens around New Zealand. They were asked to talk about what it was like before, during and after the diagnosis and to share any stories or tips to help any fellow teens who are struggling with the same thing.
I’ve reached out to a range of teenagers who have been diagnosed with ADHD in their childhood or teenage years. They’ve shared their story about ADHD and the diagnosis process to help spread awareness of ADHD and help others understand what it’s like being a teen with ADHD.
Below are stories and quotes from teens around New Zealand. They were asked to talk about what it was like before, during and after the diagnosis and to share any stories or tips to help any fellow teens who are struggling with the same thing.
Before Diagnosis
“Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was seen as the loud disruptive kid who really just didn’t care. I had problems with my sports coaches, and they would constantly complain about how hard I was to coach. The same goes for my teachers. When I tried to go through tests and essays with my Dad, he’d get mad every time I lost focus or started staring off at other things. I constantly forgot gear for sports practices, I forgot my lunch box for school, I forgot my laptop. I would continuously lose things and I’d constantly get blamed for it. In class especially moving into college, my ADHD was mistaken and seen as me just being constantly disruptive, me just moving around too much because of eating too much sugar and not getting enough work done because I just didn’t try and play games. Everyone jumped to the conclusion that I didn’t care, and I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I never knew why I kept falling into these issues.”
“I was diagnosed with ADHD at the start of 2021 and up until then, I would always get into trouble for stuff I couldn’t control, my parents were worried because I was getting into trouble at school because they would constantly get told from teachers about how I would forget pe gear or I wouldn’t get the work done and I would get told off for that stuff every day”
“It was really good because I had a lot of support systems around me but it was bad because I constantly thought there was something wrong with me and even with all the supports I felt alone”
“Life was difficult, especially before my diagnosis. It sucked. It really sucked. I wasn’t having any trouble in school, however, because of hyperfocus. I loved all subjects we did, and my old school was extremely accessible. It was painful at home, however. I was always told that even though I was at the average for maths when I was in year seven and just below the average in year six, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I’m still told that today. I have very high expectations at home, and it was much too difficult to withhold. I would break down. I couldn’t do things right. I never did things in the ‘right order’. I would always get distracted. Constantly scolded for tearing the dead skin off my fingers or shaking my leg, though it only bothered my mother when she noticed it. I became sad and depressed. I felt as though I was needing to work harder than everyone else. And even harder to get top marks. I wasn’t happy at all, but I wasn’t allowed to let my grades slip. I felt that my feelings were invalid so I began to research how I was feeling.”
“Before I was diagnosed with ADHD life was hard and those around me struggled to understand me. I couldn’t concentrate, sit still and would constantly interrupt everyone and everything. I was seen as loud and rude sometimes and It upset me that I couldn’t seem to be ‘normal’ like the other kids.”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
“I was diagnosed with ADHD at the start of 2021 and up until then, I would always get into trouble for stuff I couldn’t control, my parents were worried because I was getting into trouble at school because they would constantly get told from teachers about how I would forget pe gear or I wouldn’t get the work done and I would get told off for that stuff every day”
“It was really good because I had a lot of support systems around me but it was bad because I constantly thought there was something wrong with me and even with all the supports I felt alone”
“Life was difficult, especially before my diagnosis. It sucked. It really sucked. I wasn’t having any trouble in school, however, because of hyperfocus. I loved all subjects we did, and my old school was extremely accessible. It was painful at home, however. I was always told that even though I was at the average for maths when I was in year seven and just below the average in year six, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I’m still told that today. I have very high expectations at home, and it was much too difficult to withhold. I would break down. I couldn’t do things right. I never did things in the ‘right order’. I would always get distracted. Constantly scolded for tearing the dead skin off my fingers or shaking my leg, though it only bothered my mother when she noticed it. I became sad and depressed. I felt as though I was needing to work harder than everyone else. And even harder to get top marks. I wasn’t happy at all, but I wasn’t allowed to let my grades slip. I felt that my feelings were invalid so I began to research how I was feeling.”
“Before I was diagnosed with ADHD life was hard and those around me struggled to understand me. I couldn’t concentrate, sit still and would constantly interrupt everyone and everything. I was seen as loud and rude sometimes and It upset me that I couldn’t seem to be ‘normal’ like the other kids.”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
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After reading these I noticed how the most common feeling was feeling like you were doing something wrong and being told off for things that no one knew you couldn’t really control. The effects of ADHD before the diagnosis made people feel like it was them being lazy, not trying hard enough or just having something wrong with them.
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During diagnosis
“But one day I decided to take an online ADHD test with my mum and my results were very surprising but it said I have serious ADHD so then my mum went and talked to a doctor and I had more tests and then I was diagnosed with ADHD.”
“Although I didn’t yet know I had ADHD, I was still so relieved that people were starting to realize that it wasn’t just me not caring. I especially noticed a change in my parents. Instead of getting mad when I forgot things or lost things they understood more. During the testing process I kept it really quiet, I didn’t tell many of my friends and none of my teachers really knew about me being tested. This meant I didn’t see much change in their behaviour towards me. The testing process was really short for me given I couldn’t fit it in anytime other than one weekend. This was a really long and exhausting day for me. While I was waiting to get my results back, I felt confused and I didn’t know what to think. The fact that I might have ADHD was always at the top of my mind. “
“I felt that every time I got a diagnosis that something was missing, and I was searching for an answer. I was suggested for diagnosis by my learning support teacher. Everyone started to treat me like I was a little kid and walk around in eggshells around me. My parents started to not care as much if I went to school, which at the time I was happy about but now I have so many gaps in my learning I wish I fought harder.”
“I researched about everything I was feeling. I saw a few things related to ADHD. I took a few tests and saw that I scored extremely high. I was annoyed. I couldn’t have ADHD! I was too smart for that! Or so I was told. Everyone denied it, including me. I didn’t want to have ADHD. I was angry, so I decided to talk to my therapist. She told me that having ADHD isn’t bad. It doesn’t contribute to how smart you are. If you try, you could do anything. My therapist told me to take a few more tests, psychological and so on. I waited for a long time to get my results back. I was more and more anxious until my results finally showed up. I went to my therapist and my papers were sitting on her lap. She gave me my results and I sighed. A very long, exasperated sigh. The results were positive.”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
“Although I didn’t yet know I had ADHD, I was still so relieved that people were starting to realize that it wasn’t just me not caring. I especially noticed a change in my parents. Instead of getting mad when I forgot things or lost things they understood more. During the testing process I kept it really quiet, I didn’t tell many of my friends and none of my teachers really knew about me being tested. This meant I didn’t see much change in their behaviour towards me. The testing process was really short for me given I couldn’t fit it in anytime other than one weekend. This was a really long and exhausting day for me. While I was waiting to get my results back, I felt confused and I didn’t know what to think. The fact that I might have ADHD was always at the top of my mind. “
“I felt that every time I got a diagnosis that something was missing, and I was searching for an answer. I was suggested for diagnosis by my learning support teacher. Everyone started to treat me like I was a little kid and walk around in eggshells around me. My parents started to not care as much if I went to school, which at the time I was happy about but now I have so many gaps in my learning I wish I fought harder.”
“I researched about everything I was feeling. I saw a few things related to ADHD. I took a few tests and saw that I scored extremely high. I was annoyed. I couldn’t have ADHD! I was too smart for that! Or so I was told. Everyone denied it, including me. I didn’t want to have ADHD. I was angry, so I decided to talk to my therapist. She told me that having ADHD isn’t bad. It doesn’t contribute to how smart you are. If you try, you could do anything. My therapist told me to take a few more tests, psychological and so on. I waited for a long time to get my results back. I was more and more anxious until my results finally showed up. I went to my therapist and my papers were sitting on her lap. She gave me my results and I sighed. A very long, exasperated sigh. The results were positive.”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
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While during diagnosis, there was a common feeling of anxiety around finding out whether or not you had ADHD. Most people took matters into their own hands and researched how they felt and found out it was a possibility they had ADHD, this then drove them to get professionally tested. But you also start to realize that it’s not just you being lazy.
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After diagnosis
“When I found out it was really good to feel like I wasn’t always messing things up and I felt my parents were really understanding and instead of telling me off just telling me to go outside chill out or they would just walk away and leave me to get a breather. When I started college I was constantly getting in trouble like getting stood down but since my diagnosis teachers have been more understanding and haven’t exploded with anger because last year I would always stuff up when someone started getting mad at me and then I’d lash out. I also had an RLTB which is just someone who would help in class and we took an IQ test and she was very surprised because I was well over average and they understood that most of the time I wasn’t doing work wasn’t cause I wasn’t smart but because I couldn’t concentrate or would forget what we were doing halfway through the subject.”
“I was happy that we had finally found the cause and new strategies, but teachers still think that is an excuse for being behind in class. I found out that I was actually really smart in some areas but in different ways. Everyone underestimates ADHD and thinks it’s just me being ‘slow.”
“I was really happy when I finally knew that it wasn’t just me having issues. Although everything happened so fast and it was a fright finding all this out, I still was grateful that I could now address my problem and start working on how I could make my life easier. When I got my results, I also found out that I was in the 97th percentile for my IQ. This was also a really exciting part of the process for me. For a few months after my parents and I started looking into medication for it. This took a lot of thought and it was also a really hard decision, but I decided that taking medication at such a young age wouldn’t work for me and I started trying to think of strategies on how I can help myself without medication. This was really really hard. Months later I still am struggling but things have gotten a lot better from where they started. For a short period of time after my teachers were a bit more patient with me, my coaches not so much but the change was good. My LE teacher was also very supportive of everything and I attend learning support sessions with her on a weekly basis. This really helps.”
“I was told that I had severe ADHD and I needed medication for it. I didn’t bother trying to argue. I was much too tired, after many sleepless nights. I thought about it for a long time and the first rough 6 months was therapy, medications, and parental arguments. It wasn’t making me feel any better. If anything, the medications made me feel awful. I felt as though I was trapped in one continuous loop of happiness then neutral then sadness. There was nothing other than a black and white world when I took my medications. Later on, at around 7 months, I decided to tell my therapist. She smiled at me when I told her that and said she’d see what she could do. It took a good 5 months, but finally, I was taken off my medications. And by then I was finally ‘at one’ with my ADHD. I welcomed it into my life, and I’m so glad I did.”
“I was happy that we had finally found the cause and new strategies, but teachers still think that is an excuse for being behind in class. I found out that I was actually really smart in some areas but in different ways. Everyone underestimates ADHD and thinks it’s just me being ‘slow.”
“I was really happy when I finally knew that it wasn’t just me having issues. Although everything happened so fast and it was a fright finding all this out, I still was grateful that I could now address my problem and start working on how I could make my life easier. When I got my results, I also found out that I was in the 97th percentile for my IQ. This was also a really exciting part of the process for me. For a few months after my parents and I started looking into medication for it. This took a lot of thought and it was also a really hard decision, but I decided that taking medication at such a young age wouldn’t work for me and I started trying to think of strategies on how I can help myself without medication. This was really really hard. Months later I still am struggling but things have gotten a lot better from where they started. For a short period of time after my teachers were a bit more patient with me, my coaches not so much but the change was good. My LE teacher was also very supportive of everything and I attend learning support sessions with her on a weekly basis. This really helps.”
“I was told that I had severe ADHD and I needed medication for it. I didn’t bother trying to argue. I was much too tired, after many sleepless nights. I thought about it for a long time and the first rough 6 months was therapy, medications, and parental arguments. It wasn’t making me feel any better. If anything, the medications made me feel awful. I felt as though I was trapped in one continuous loop of happiness then neutral then sadness. There was nothing other than a black and white world when I took my medications. Later on, at around 7 months, I decided to tell my therapist. She smiled at me when I told her that and said she’d see what she could do. It took a good 5 months, but finally, I was taken off my medications. And by then I was finally ‘at one’ with my ADHD. I welcomed it into my life, and I’m so glad I did.”
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For these people after finally being diagnosed, there was a relief of knowing it wasn’t just you acting up. Teachers, parents and peers start to become more understanding of your behaviour. A lot of people actually learnt that ADHD wasn’t being dumb or slow and they learnt that they were actually a lot smarter than they thought. A common feeling for people on medication was that they feel dull and they have large mood changes. This got better overtime for some and can also be worked through.
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Stories and quotes
“The hardest part of ADHD is Getting help and explaining what I am going through. It’s important to find the right friends and supports to talk about this.”
“Asking for help is the first step to completely changing your life for the better”
“I find concentrating very hard like I will be talking and ill forget what I’m saying because my mind thinks too fast and I forget what I’m supposed to say and in class, I find it hard to concentrate when there is a teacher talking and trying to also look at the work so it’s very hard in classes and sitting down and working for a long time I get very anxious. Something that helps me with this is asking to go outside and get a break or go for a walk during class for 5-10 mins.”
“Ever since I started taking my meds I would always feel like I wasn’t hungry and I wouldn’t end up eating anything all day and I would even realize and neither did my parents and then eventually I was getting very skinny and started getting sick and I didn’t think it was that bad cause I was bullied from a very young age for being bigger than other people so I wasn’t that worried about it but it was very unhealthy so I started to eat again and I started eating healthy and now it has gotten easier to eat and it’s not that much of a problem anymore”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
“I was always the funny upbeat kid in school as well but since my meds, I’ve had a drastic change in my moods like I would end up sitting and doing nothing all day cause I wasn’t motivated to do anything and I would hang with friends I would just sit at home and I wouldn’t get joy out of a lot of things so I stopped a few hobbies and it just got worse so I went to a counsellor and that didn’t work because the appointments were always slow and boring but all up I was just not happy with myself”
“Hardest issues I faced with ADHD probably was the discrimination with my parents. My father was completely fine with it. He paid no mind. My mother thought I was not as smart. That I would need special help. But please let me tell you this. ADHD DOES NOT DETERMINE HOW SMART YOU ARE. You are you. And no one should be able to change that. Find coping strategies, do art, research into something you love, and if you are struggling. Tell someone. I know it’s not that easy. It’s never that easy. But believe me, if you try, everything will work out in the end. And if it’s not working out. It’s not the end.”
“Asking for help is the first step to completely changing your life for the better”
“I find concentrating very hard like I will be talking and ill forget what I’m saying because my mind thinks too fast and I forget what I’m supposed to say and in class, I find it hard to concentrate when there is a teacher talking and trying to also look at the work so it’s very hard in classes and sitting down and working for a long time I get very anxious. Something that helps me with this is asking to go outside and get a break or go for a walk during class for 5-10 mins.”
“Ever since I started taking my meds I would always feel like I wasn’t hungry and I wouldn’t end up eating anything all day and I would even realize and neither did my parents and then eventually I was getting very skinny and started getting sick and I didn’t think it was that bad cause I was bullied from a very young age for being bigger than other people so I wasn’t that worried about it but it was very unhealthy so I started to eat again and I started eating healthy and now it has gotten easier to eat and it’s not that much of a problem anymore”
“When I got to college I began really struggling to concentrate, complete tasks and follow instructions calmly. I seemed to have this explosive energy that I couldn’t contain. I think part of it is my personality but I knew something was up. I’d always said to my parents that I thought I might have ADHD, even teachers had said it but they brushed me off and would laugh. When finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I began annoying myself and was very frustrated all the time at seemingly straightforward things.”
“I was always the funny upbeat kid in school as well but since my meds, I’ve had a drastic change in my moods like I would end up sitting and doing nothing all day cause I wasn’t motivated to do anything and I would hang with friends I would just sit at home and I wouldn’t get joy out of a lot of things so I stopped a few hobbies and it just got worse so I went to a counsellor and that didn’t work because the appointments were always slow and boring but all up I was just not happy with myself”
“Hardest issues I faced with ADHD probably was the discrimination with my parents. My father was completely fine with it. He paid no mind. My mother thought I was not as smart. That I would need special help. But please let me tell you this. ADHD DOES NOT DETERMINE HOW SMART YOU ARE. You are you. And no one should be able to change that. Find coping strategies, do art, research into something you love, and if you are struggling. Tell someone. I know it’s not that easy. It’s never that easy. But believe me, if you try, everything will work out in the end. And if it’s not working out. It’s not the end.”
Happiness chart
In each of my interviews, I asked each person to rate their happiness before, during and after their diagnosis from 0 – 10. 0 being anxious and sad, 5 being neither sad nor happy (neutral), and 10 being happy. I put each of these into a chart so I could compare the levels.
