Understanding anxiety
By Kate Eastman (PG dip psychotherapy, PG dip counselling)
Child Therapist, Rainbow House
Anxiety is a very normal human response to perceived danger. Throughout history a very special part of our brain called the amygdala has worked hard to protect us from dangers like wild animals and unfriendly strangers. This meant we were more likely to survive. The amygdala’s main job is to protect us from danger and keep us alive. Back before there were classrooms people with ADHD would have been highly prized clan members because they were very good at noticing any signs of danger.
In our current much safer society, the skill to rapidly scan the environment and process lots of different types of information can cause anxiety. Our brains can’t tell the difference between real danger and the danger that exists in getting a maths question wrong in front of your peers or losing a race or a battle in a video game. Our bodies have the same response to being attacked as we do to these perceived dangers.
These responses come in one of three forms:
Most people associate anxiety with the first two but find it hard to see anger or behavioural problems as a sign of anxiety.
Other signs of anxiety in children include feeling sick or not wanting to eat. This is because as part of the fight and flight response energy is taken away from your digestive system to help make your muscles strong and powerful so you can run fast or punch harder.
Children might also report that in such situations everyone is mean to them this is because their amygdala causes their vision to narrow and they perceive all expressions and tones to be confrontational.
Sometimes anxious children find it hard to sleep as their brain works over time to process information. Sometimes children might feel like their heart is racing and they really need to move.
Some children start to ask lots of questions. What is happening? What if...? When will this happen? etc
For most humans if you are anxious your brain is too busy surviving to learn anything new. You might notice your child starts to tell you school is boring or they refuse to do homework or start to fall behind in areas they are normally good at. Children cannot learn or do academic work when they are anxious. If they are bright they will quickly catch up when their anxiety is under control.
What you can do as a parent?
For low level anxiety:
It’s the parent’s job to make that call. It’s your child’s job to let their amygdala know if there is actual danger or just an awkward moment.
For moderate anxiety:
This would be consistent panic - it is better to seek some professional advice.
For severe anxiety:
This is when children cannot go to school and regularly avoids other activities. They may have consistent meltdowns or withdrawals. At this stage their behaviour is impacting the whole family and you have tried all the other strategies.
Child Therapist, Rainbow House
Anxiety is a very normal human response to perceived danger. Throughout history a very special part of our brain called the amygdala has worked hard to protect us from dangers like wild animals and unfriendly strangers. This meant we were more likely to survive. The amygdala’s main job is to protect us from danger and keep us alive. Back before there were classrooms people with ADHD would have been highly prized clan members because they were very good at noticing any signs of danger.
In our current much safer society, the skill to rapidly scan the environment and process lots of different types of information can cause anxiety. Our brains can’t tell the difference between real danger and the danger that exists in getting a maths question wrong in front of your peers or losing a race or a battle in a video game. Our bodies have the same response to being attacked as we do to these perceived dangers.
These responses come in one of three forms:
- Flight: running or avoiding the situation.
- Freeze: being completely unable to move, talk or react.
- Fight: anger and aggression.
Most people associate anxiety with the first two but find it hard to see anger or behavioural problems as a sign of anxiety.
Other signs of anxiety in children include feeling sick or not wanting to eat. This is because as part of the fight and flight response energy is taken away from your digestive system to help make your muscles strong and powerful so you can run fast or punch harder.
Children might also report that in such situations everyone is mean to them this is because their amygdala causes their vision to narrow and they perceive all expressions and tones to be confrontational.
Sometimes anxious children find it hard to sleep as their brain works over time to process information. Sometimes children might feel like their heart is racing and they really need to move.
Some children start to ask lots of questions. What is happening? What if...? When will this happen? etc
For most humans if you are anxious your brain is too busy surviving to learn anything new. You might notice your child starts to tell you school is boring or they refuse to do homework or start to fall behind in areas they are normally good at. Children cannot learn or do academic work when they are anxious. If they are bright they will quickly catch up when their anxiety is under control.
What you can do as a parent?
For low level anxiety:
- Providing predictability and routines is useful. These do not need to be complex. A simple list of the day’s events or a list of todo tasks. Sometimes something as simple as a planned menu can help.
- Using books. I love ”hey warrior” as a simple way of explaining anxiety to children from 5-12
- Encourage long slow breaths. This helps regulate the ratio of carbon dioxide in their brains. No one responds well to “breathe” so get them blowing bubbles or balloons or use an iPad AP. I also like a You tube video called “4,7,8 breathing”. Use it next time, you will be surprised at how quickly they want to blow the bubbles etc
- Exercise is important and I often find taking a young person outside to throw a ball is useful. Be careful about your own ball skills as they will be coming in hard and fast
- Remind your child that they are ok and that their brain thought there was danger but there doesn’t seem to be any. Their amygdala is a bit like my smoke detector - it’s job is to sense smoke. However, it can’t tell the difference between smoke from my toaster and an actual fire.
It’s the parent’s job to make that call. It’s your child’s job to let their amygdala know if there is actual danger or just an awkward moment.
For moderate anxiety:
This would be consistent panic - it is better to seek some professional advice.
- An occupational therapist can help your child develop skills to regulate their feelings in a range of environments using physical movements.
- A psychologist or therapist will help teach skills to recognise signs of anxiety, challenge difficult thoughts and teach skills to be brave.
For severe anxiety:
This is when children cannot go to school and regularly avoids other activities. They may have consistent meltdowns or withdrawals. At this stage their behaviour is impacting the whole family and you have tried all the other strategies.
- This is when it is important to contact a paediatrician or psychiatrist as medication may be the best option, in addition to therapy to help teach anxiety management tools, and support to help within the home and school.
