Chelsea sees this as important validation that her struggles were real. “I was finding things harder than those around me for a reason. I hear this from other undiagnosed women, this constant inner dialogue of ‘everyone else is doing life fine. Why are you struggling? Sort yourself out.'"
I feel like you’re two different people
Many neurodivergent people, especially those who are undiagnosed, learn to suppress their natural traits and behaviours to fit in. This concept is known as ‘masking’, and it can be exhausting. Understanding this was another piece of the puzzle for Chelsea and her daughter.
“My husband used to comment on it all the time. He’d say, ‘I feel like you are two different people. We’ll go out to a social event, and you are ‘on’, and you are sparkly and shiny, this incredible version of yourself. Then we get home and you crash, and you’re a nightmare to be around for a while.’”
That’s one of the tragic things about unmanaged neurodivergence, Chelsea says. The people we care about the most, who we feel safest around, get the worst version of us.
You’ve just got to give her an hour
Chelsea recognises these masking patterns in her daughter as well. “She’ll walk through the front door, and it’s like you can literally see the mask coming off. You’ve just got to give her an hour to decompress and recentre.”
Learning what’s going on behind the mood changes has been a positive step for them both. “We’ve talked about the big moods a lot and she gets it. She’s an amazing kid, she’s incredibly bright and empathic, but she does find life hard. She will always come back and apologise. She gets so upset that she’s taken it out on us, but she’s got no control over it, the brain is offline.”
You’re passionate about life again
When Chelsea was diagnosed, her ADHD was so debilitating she wasn’t achieving in any aspect of her life. “Everything was just too hard, I felt like I was slipping backwards,” she said.
This was the point she decided to trial medication. Her psychiatrist also suggested it would be a foolproof way to know for herself that she really did have ADHD. For Chelsea it was “an absolute game-changer.”
“Everyone close to me has noticed, which is really validating because you kind of think, ‘is it just me that’s feeling the difference?’”