Creating a village to support struggling parents

Content warning: This article deals with sensitive topics including post-partum depression and suicide prevention. Support links are available at the bottom of this page.

When Jessie Johnson became a parent, her life changed in more than the usual ways. These experiences led her to set up a much-needed service - Dew Drops Postpartum Support (dewdropsnz.org)

“I had no family in town and, while we had a few friends, I realised it was a very small village. I was one of those people who found it really hard to ask for, and accept, help, and saw that as a universal thing with a lot of parents,” she said.

Based in Ōtautahi Christchurch, Dew Drops offers practical in-home help for parents, and support for those experiencing neurodivergent burnout. It aims to reduce the stigma and shame from common post-partum struggles.

Parenthood also led to Jessie discovering her own neurodivergence, something many who know her will be reading for the first time. “I have only told a few people about my diagnosis. Doing it through this (ADHD awareness month) feels right,” she said.

You can read Jessie’s AuDHD diagnosis journey here: This is beyond my normal - neurodivergence and parenthood (adhd.org.nz)

Sharing the unsharable

Jessie has a good understanding of her own mental health, because it's a journey she's been on for a long time. “I came out of my mother as an anxious child, very different to my older siblings, and continued that way into my teenage years,” she said.

At 17 she attempted suicide. While initially upset at “having failed at one more thing” she became grateful for her second chance - and when she took the brave step of openly sharing the experience of being at her lowest, something magic happened.

A permission slip for others

“In 2013, I read it was still taboo to use the word suicide in the media. I decided that was my time to turn my troubles into some magic, so I started writing," Jessie said.

Her work was picked up by Stuff and, when she shared it on social media, people were shocked. “They had no idea - I was one of the happiest people they knew. That opened the floodgates for people to start saying ‘I’ve never shared this with anyone else … me too.’”

This led to Jessie working in the suicide prevention field. “That passion in my heart came out for getting to be a permission slip for other people. Like ‘this is really hard, and it’s really normal. If I can get through it, you can too.”

I thought I was prepared

With her mental health understanding and tools, Jessie thought she’d gone into parenthood prepared, but the level up in depression and anxiety was much more than she’d expected. “I had all the tools to pull on, but I had a lack of village, and a brain that really loves to control my physical environment. It was a mix of maternal gatekeeping, trying to control everything, and falling into holes.”

The physical load of parenthood was also something she was unprepared for. “I knew my mental health would challenge me, but I didn’t realise how heavy the physical load (lack of sleep, making sure to eat, the enormous amount to do) would be alongside it.”

It's very common to want to run away

It’s not an unusual experience for parents to not love their child straight away, Jessie says. “It’s so, so, common. There are so many things that can contribute. If it’s a traumatic birth you can kind of just dissociate. Your baby’s put on you and you’re thinking ‘I’ve spent nine months looking forward to meeting you, and now you’re here and all I feel is ‘argh.’”

Jessie had always felt maternal, so this experience was a shock. “I wanted a baby for years, and then I had one, and I was thinking ‘I don’t want him anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.’ It wasn’t him; it was just that it was so much, and I didn’t have the support and capacity I needed. It’s such an instant thing to just want to run away.

“These are very common stories for so many parents. There is so much support and compassion needed around that.”

Why isn’t this a conversation we’re having?

After her own post-partum experience, Jessie again saw a deep need to talk.

“I was that person who had to put my baby down and leave a room, so I didn’t want to hurt him or myself. It’s such a common experience, but there’s such a taboo around it. People are scared to speak about it because they think their child will be taken off them. I thought ‘why isn’t this a conversation we’re having?”

She wrote again, and the response was immediate. “I had people reach out and say ‘I remember wanting to throw my baby down the stairs, and I’ve never told anyone that. Thank you for being that safe space’ – and I thought, okay, this is another level to those passions of mine.”

Everything has led to here

All those experiences led to Dew Drops. “I had this idea. Imagine if there was this service, that was safe on the mental health side of things. Someone who just came in and said ‘I get it, I’m not here to fix anything, I’m not here to be a therapist, but I am here to be a safe space for you. I’m going to ask you if you’ve had a cup of tea, or if you’ve had breakfast. I’m going to see if you need to have a shower, I’m going to fill your fridge with food, and I’m going to fold your laundry while we’re talking about the ups and downs of parenthood.”

She ran those thoughts past some friends who were having their second baby and they asked to be her first family. “I went into their home, spent time with their toddler, tidied up the kitchen, made sure Mum had eaten, and thought ‘right, this is it, I fricking love this. Everything has led to here.’”

A family name

When Jessie tried to come up with a name for the service, Dew Drops was right there. It was a nickname her granddad gave her when she was very little. “I was always crying, so he called me Dew Drops, like teardrops, dewdrops down my cheek.

“That name came to me straight away, but then I thought ‘Jessie, that’s too personal, it can’t be that!’ I kept trying to think of all these other names and clever things but in the end, I thought ‘no, it’s Dew Drops. This is your purpose. It’s got to be Dew Drops.”

The world needs this

Jessie created a website and social media and, in May 2022, Dew Drops began operating. Demand for the service was immediate. “People were like ‘wow, what is this? The world needs this!’ and the bookings came pouring in.”

In April 2024 she recruited the first member of what would become a team of five. “There was too much for me to do all by myself. At that point I started to think ‘okay, you’ve really bitten off a lot here. But also, this is so special – you have to keep committing.’”

Levelling up with mental health training

As demand for the service grew, Jessie wanted to deepen the level of support she could provide by getting a maternal mental health peer support qualification.

“I wanted to add another level of safety. It’s cool to come and chit-chat to someone while you’re folding their laundry, cooking, and cleaning, but if someone ever said something that was concerning, I wanted to make sure there was a level of safety while holding that space.”

Adolescence all over again

In the past year she has also done a matrescence practitioner certification. Matrescence is a life stage like adolescence. From pregnancy through to having and raising a child, and beyond.

“I was 18 months post-partum when I learned about that. I thought ‘holy heck. This should be an integral part of our education system. Armour people with ‘do you remember adolescence? You’re going to do it again. There’ll also be lack of sleep, and someone’s going to touch you every second of the day.’

“And when you don’t know that you’re neurodivergent, it doesn’t make sense. ‘I don’t want my child to touch me. I’ve just birthed them, but I can’t handle them,” she said.

Changing the dynamic a small human grows up in

“My favourite thing about Dew Drops is completely changing the dynamic that a small human grows up in,” Jessie said.

“I grew up in the 90s when we didn’t talk about mental health. My signs were there from when I was small, but I was just ‘Stressy Jessie’ being dramatic. We live in such a different world now, where parents have so much more information and awareness, but there’s not enough physical support.”

Dew Drops is a service that buys time. “If there is another parenting partner, they can go to work and know we are going to come and take care of their family. They come home to a partner in a much happier state because they’ve eaten and someone’s cared for them.

“It’s something so simple, but it can change the nervous system of the home that a small person grows up in. It’s life-changing stuff, and I dream of the day it’s just a funded, given thing.

Parenting in a completely different way

Jessie’s son is five now and has some autistic children in his class. “We’ve been speaking about it, and he understands now. It’s such a cool time to be raising babies because we can have those conversations with them that are so human.

“We might lose it at our kids, but we know about the importance of repair. That wasn’t there in the 90s, you just walked on eggshells waiting for it to blow over. Now it’s like ‘I’m so sorry, I was overwhelmed. I love you mate, are we good?’ We can repair and move on.”

Jessie says we now have the chance to parent in a completely different way. “Our parents’ generation were the first ones to start making changes. We’re getting the filtered down version of that and, combined with the knowledge we now have, we can do things differently.”

A service for every age and stage

When Jessie first started Dewdrops, it was a service for new parents. But with an almost-five-year-old, she sees an ongoing need. “There have been so many things that have challenged us, and that was another lesson in the complexity of it. It’s not just the first six weeks or six months of post-partum that people need support, you actually need it for every age and stage.

“If they get older and it gets harder, we’re still there for that.”

Parenting is a leveller for everyone

While Dewdrops has a koha fund to support families, it’s not enough to get support everywhere they need to so, at the moment, it’s a luxury service.

“Some of the homes we go into are stunning, but I tell you what, money doesn’t fix everything. The mental challenges, regardless of what you have, are the same. It’s hard if you have money, and it’s really hard if you don’t.

“I think we need to drop this mindset that other people have it easier because they have more than us. Yes, they can outsource, or get a cleaner in but, even then, they are still questioning everything. They are up till 3am googling, they yell at their babies too. People at both ends of the spectrum struggle. Parenting is a leveller for everyone.”

Her advice to parents is not to compare themselves to others. “Don’t look at what other people are doing, trust yourself and your gut. There’s something incredible in your body and your brain that you’ve grown and wired this little person, trust yourself.”

How you can help those in need

Dew Drops has a koha fund people can contribute to, allowing families in need to access their services, which you can access here:

Dew Drops Postpartum and Support Service Koha fund

“We raised $4000 in one month. One of our wonderful clients donated the venue, the food, and everything for a fundraiser, and we had people donating things for a silent auction. Someone else did 10K in a marathon and raised $2000,” Jessie said.

“It’s one of those things, when people know about it, they think ‘that is a cause I want to give to.’ The Mums and grandmothers who have seen that struggle themselves.”

A nationwide vision

While currently a Christchurch-based service, Jessie would like to expand Dew Drops nationwide. “Our parental suicide rates in the country are not okay. I just wish this sort of service and support was available to everyone. Let’s go for prevention over correction.”

She has been pleased to see some people running similar services in other locations, “the support is needed everywhere,” and is investigating investment to be able to reach more people in need.

“I don’t need it to be a massively profitable business, but I want to be able to support myself and my family in a way that’s more sustainable. I’m not gonna lie, the burnout’s real. It’s a lot to carry by myself. At the moment, I’m just finetuning Christchurch and getting it as solid, safe, and sustainable as possible. Then I’ll put together an investment pitch and hopefully someone will say ‘hey, I’ve won the lotto, what you’re doing is really cool, how can I help?”

Something magical is coming

“If little old me, with the way my brain works, and everything life’s thrown at us, can make this happen in Christchurch, imagine what this could be if someone got behind it?” she said.

“It’s not about me, it’s about what this could do for the world. It could change so many lives. I dream of the day that comes, and I know it will.

“There’s something really magical coming.”

To find out more about Jessie's mahi visit: Dew Drops Postpartum Support (dewdropsnz.org)

If you need to talk to someone

Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.

Helplines:

Depression helpline: (24 hours a day, 7 days a week): free phone 0800 111 757 or free text 4202.
Suicide Crisis Helpline: free phone 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO).
Lifeline: free phone 0800 543 354 or free text 4357 (HELP)

OUTLine NZ: 0800 688 5463 (OUTLINE) provides confidential telephone support for sexual and gender identity.
Anxiety NZ phone line: free phone 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY).
Youthline: free phone 0800 376 633 or free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.
Kidsline: free phone 0800 543 754. Talk to a trained Kidsline buddy from 4pm-9pm weekdays.

For information and resources on ADHD, visit us at https://www.adhd.org.nz/