Parenting a child with ADHD is (too say the least) difficult.

It is sometimes impossible to be a role model parent when after a long day at work, your child's behaviour is beginning to annoy (as their medication wears off).

While we are not about to tell you how to parent your child, we would like to offer some supportive ideas. Such as, you may like to think about the 7 steps to making ADHD parenting easier (outlined by Dr Christopher Green and Dr Kit Chee, in their book "Understanding ADHD"):

(1) Accept your child as they are.

But, also appreciate that while your ADHD child is different to their brothers, sisters and classmates, that doesn't mean they have a license to cause trouble. Don't let them get away with murder, but make allowances.

(2) Pursue the peaceful path.

'This is easy to say, but try implementing it', is what you are thinking. But what Green and Chee (1994) are suggesting is that you filter out the little things that eat away at your nerves and focus on the big problems. There is little point in destroying your relationship with your child by screaming at them over "spilt milk". The noise and chaos will only make them more erratic.

Create a calm environment around you (it'll help you as well as the child), and do your best to maintain it when trouble visits.

(3) Implement Routine.

However, it is true. The behaviour of children with ADHD will deteriorate faster in unorderly, chaotic situations than it would in a structured setting. They need routines. They need to know what will happen next. Anything unexpected will generally throw the equilibrium out and set them on a course of disruption and destruction.

They need to feel like there is a framework to their day which directs them. This will make both their day and your day a lot easier. And for most of us, routines are a way of life - we get up, we have a shower, we get dressed, we have breakfast, we go about our day,...

Thus, this (the third) step shouldn't be too difficult to implement.

(4) Communicate Clearly.

Communication is such an enormous aspect of life that most of the time we take it for granted. Sometimes we forget some of the fundamentals:

• Gain and hold eye contact.
• Use warm, but decisive words.
• State simply what you want and give instructions.
• Make steps very clear.
• (of course)Don't mumble, nag, shout, debate, and don't.....
  

  Talk over the Television!

Gaining eye control demonstrates sincerity and commands "the truth". Also, think about about the words you are using. The words we use in communicating with another person will influence that person's impression of us.

(5) Spot triggers and detonators.

• Long car journeys.
• Visiting "boring" friends.
• Kid's parties.
• The checkout counter at the supermarket.
• Arguments.

Learn to spot these situations or precursors and try to avoid them. Usually you can not avoid many of these situations, so work on strategies that help to render the situation harmless and make things easier.

• On long car journeys - never travel for more than 1-2 hours without a break.
• When visiting "boring" friends - make sure that the child is preoccupied with something (Gameboy is great!)
• At kid's parties - negotiate with the child before hand that if they make too much noise, they will be removed for "timeout".
• Encounters with the checkout counter at the supermarket.......hmmmm, very difficult to get around this one.
• Arguments - know when you are right and know when the argument is over something petty.

(6) Be positive - boost the good.

Every parent knows this in theory, but (again) after a long day at the office it is easier to slip into the role of "negative nagger". It is important to understand that every encounter all children have influences their belief systems about who they are. If they are consistently told that they are stupid - guess what - they will think they are stupid. But more importantly, this effect is doubled if they never hear words to the contrary (eg. encouragement for a good mark).

The aim is to be a positive parent. Boost good behaviour and achievement, reward excellence. Use praise, attention and privileges to reinforce positive behaviour. This will help in building a positive self esteem.

(7) Think "safety valves".

Time-out is the most common "safety valve". This simply involves removing the child from all attention and audience. Most behaviourists suggest a quiet corner, a "time-out" chair, or simply a period of isolation in the bedroom. The child remains there for 1 minute for every year of age. And only when the child is quiet are they allowed to come back.

If the situation gets completely out of control - simply get up, walk away and ignore the child.

This one is not just for your kids, but for you too!

Here is a list of ways to improve self-esteem in children who have ADHD.

• Learn (as you are now) about ADHD.
  Stay informed about your right, your options, and how ADHD can be managed in school, at home, and in the work place.
• Review your concept of ADHD and the way you view your child.
  Children have AD(H)D they are not AD(H)D children.
• Demonstrate self-control if you expect self-control.
  Act don't react, or blame. Give yourself time to evaluate the situation before you respond. Discipline is not always punishing, it is also rewarding.
• As a good disciple follows his master, show the way in a calm and nurturing manner.
• (It hardly needs to be said, but)Never, never, never ridicule the child.
• Demonstrate the appropriate behavior. And don't forget to give guidance.
• Give praise.
  Reward the child for meeting expectations. Encourage the child often. Do not submit the child to activities (difficult craft) which lead to failure. Develop realistic expectations of the child. Know your child. Everyone has strength and weaknesses. To make success achievable you may have to structure activities.
• You are better able to identify your child strength if you spend time with your child.
  
• Create opportunity for success.
  Once you have identified your child's strength, assign special job, cultivate his special interest. Find an activity that is best suited to him or her (art, sport ..) .
• Show interest in your child achievements.
  Attend his activities when possible, and play with him/her.
• Let the child choose the activity and at first you may want to let the child win without it being obvious.

Raise your child's self esteem by making him/her our ADHD.org.nz Child of the Week. Or send us some of their art work and we will post it on our ADHD Art page